| All the things left undiscovered, leave me empty and left to wonder. |
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2 seconds away from death, 1 second away from you.
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[02 Nov 2004|07:06pm] |
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add it.... myonetruepain.. then i will add you
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[01 Nov 2004|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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You are so beautiful
I felt safest in your arms
On the brink of extinction
Hands around my neck and turn to save me now
As despair is a distant closure
Walk across me body and kiss my lips
Continue to beat me
You are so beautiful
Move yourself
Step back from me
Walk away from me
Under a dying sky
I felt safest in your arms, On the brink of extinction
Hand around my necks and turn to save me now
I hope you can hear my voice
I have buried my own self - cause you lied to me
As I whisper out for redemption
I scream out for forgiveness
..i wish i was what you were looking for..
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[01 Nov 2004|06:59pm] |
You only see what your heart will let you
I only see you.
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[01 Nov 2004|06:44pm] |
remember me?
we were inseparable..
the lights turn out and your someone new.
how can someone like you make me come so un-glued?
your everything i wanted, your everything i need,
yet you have me crawling over broken glass on broken knees.
how much more pain can i take, how much more false love can i swallow?
your kisses blind me and lead me astray.
how can i do these things and not feel regret?
you turned pain into something i could touch, into something i grasp.
how many times can i actually say i need you for you to be by my side?
this is something easy for you
and i am left crying on this bed.
your running through my head and it is nothing new.
how can i let someone like you hurt me? affect me the way you do?
the way i let you?
tell me what i can say to stop this, tell me what i can do?
i am falling apart and it is all because of you..
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[01 Nov 2004|01:42pm] |
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music |
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bjork- triumph of a heart |
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bjork is my lover.
i just got her new cd and i love it. damn i am awesome.
yum..
hung out with my lovers last night.
went over to some random guys house ehhh haha i totally dont remember his name.
got craaaazy haha. just kidding.
then went and bought cranberry juice to be cool and some ice cream from the 99cent store. yay.
hahah then the mother fuckers took me to kims doughnuts and yogurt.
hahah i was eating my ice cream and getting some yogurt and the guys in line were like.
" what do you have it looks yummy?" i was like " it is i got it form the 99 cent store, it is better than yogurt"
and he's all " your mean" and then i had to yell at brittny because i told her if she took me to buy yogurt the people would be mad at me because i had ice cream hahahahaha.
it was great.
then i came home and um.. watched hocus pocus and boy let me tell you how crazy would that be? to have witches come out of nowhere and try and sabatage you? craaaazy.
well today i have to dress up as a boy and get crazy in a spanish video. awesoooome, not really, i really dont want to do it at all but hey what can i say?
this is like my longest post in a long time. i am stick of doing depressing one-liners. but they are soo fun.
i miss those days, the days where we would hold eachother til we fell asleep, the days were 1 week together seemed like nothing and we never got bored.
i hate it.
i hate your eyes.
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[31 Oct 2004|10:46am] |
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I'm blue.
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[30 Oct 2004|08:51pm] |
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Remember me?
We were inseparable.
um thanks. plans went phhhhh down the toilet. it is great isnt it? going to bed, dont want to deal with everything that is going on right now, personally i am sick of it. by far.
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[30 Oct 2004|08:22pm] |
how far will trust get you before you realize you are weak?
how far will you cut until you bleed?
this is my last mistake, my last regret.
i wont live to see your face anymore, your not even there.
i longed everyday to touch you, but you keep slipping.
if my words could pull you back, i'd sing a melody.
but i am getting what i deserve, this is what i need.
a step away from you to make me think.
how far can you go without friends until you realize this is the end?
being lied to over and over again isnt a apology.
so i wont even start.
what can i do, how can i prove, what i say is true?
this is ripping my heart apart, but it still means nothing, your still not here.
i cant see your beautiful face, your starting to fade..
what did i do to deserve this?
how can you just walk away?
as the water slowly fades to cold
i take a second to realize what is lost and what i cant hold.
you were everything i need, your all i want, but i took the step, i turned my back.
i am sorry, but this is no apology, this is life lived in regret.
i see now where my desicions have brought me and what i pay in return.
what was once clear fades to red.
i thought of all the things i should have said.
all the feelings, and the lies, all the times you thought i didnt care
and all the times i was never there.
i wish i could hold you one last time, tell you what i truely mean, but your nowhere in sight and its all fading.
i cant see your face, i cant feel your hand.
you dont reach for me the way you used to, you look and see right through me.
but now you cant miss me, i am dead in front of your eyes
this time is for all of the lies.
all the problems i couldnt fix and all the times i wasnt there.
you know i need you but this isnt right.
i cant stand crying everynight and being left on my own.
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[30 Oct 2004|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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 gonna hit something |
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fuck dumb fucking shit.
do you honestly think i feel good about what i did?
do you honestly think that?!?
well take time and think about it long and hard.
fuck..seriously fuck.
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[30 Oct 2004|07:14pm] |
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new goal: making love in the shower to my....girlfriend.=)
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| I wont go down by myself but I go down with my friends. |
[30 Oct 2004|06:30pm] |
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truth be told i tried my best but somwhere along the way, got caught up in all there was to offer.
photobucket is being gay again???
shannon go into my photobucket and try and put them up
lifeinpicturesx and who know whos' name just minus the s.
and anybody who is sooo brillant enough to figure it out, go ahead look, just dont be gay and delete them it takes forever to load them ehhhhh.
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[30 Oct 2004|02:07pm] |
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i lost all my friends.
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[29 Oct 2004|10:23pm] |
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me and david arent going out, and we never were for anyone who thinks it.
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[29 Oct 2004|08:47pm] |
half way there to either making the biggest mistake of my life,
or the greatest desicion of my life
should i continue?
i want to talk to someone first..
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[29 Oct 2004|07:35pm] |
i am sorry, i am just so tired.
tired of everything.
loosing al my friends, making someone i care about think i am discusting.
i am sick of the stress of life, the heartache.
the putting yuor trust and love in someone who doesnt care.
i need someone..
i want someone who loves me..
who truely loves me.
i have failed so many times.. i dont want to fail again.
i dont want to take the risk of failing again.
i am turning into the person i promised myself i wouldnt.
i am turning into the person i thought i locked away all over again.
how many times can i try?
how many times can everything be thrown away?
wasted?
is my love so useless?
does it mean absolutley nothing?
do i mean nothing?
i honestly wouldnt mind dying tonight.
sometimes i feel it would be the best for everyone and myself.
i am just tired, of everything..everything..
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[29 Oct 2004|04:52pm] |
how can i try? when i already lost the battle?
fighting to keep my head above the water, not wanting to drowned in regret.
regret for the things i connot fix, regret for the times i didnt hold your hand.
first it seemed pointless and now it means everything.
licking my lips, i can still taste your kiss.
and i can still smell you in my room.
patching up my heart trying not to let the love overflow.
dont tell tell me i dont feel it when my heartaches in pain,
dont tell me i cant feel it when my wrists cry out in vain.
i held you so close, but now you wont even speak my name.
crying everynight is getting old.
how many more tears can my pillow hold?
you say your not coming back but actions speak louder than words.
i wish...
i wish i had the guts.. to put this to your head..
i want you gone.
cant you see what this is doing to me? dont you care?
i wont waste another tear on you, i wont even blink.
but your in every breath i take and every move i make.
i have to end this. i have to make you go away.
so i am cutting you out of my body, in the place where i forced you to stay.
life is not worth living in regret.
regret of when i should have kissed you when i had the chance.
regret for the times i should have told you what i felt.
but now it is gone and i accept the fact i have been wishing for lies..
please end this, its riping me apart..
how long does it take for you to die without a heart?
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| next time you slit your wrist, i hope its not for show. |
[29 Oct 2004|04:40pm] |
dont say it, i am wipeing away the lies,
dont hurt me, my bodys scarred beyond belief.
wipe away, wipe away the blood its pouring out.
sticth me up the wounds are gashing.
help me im crashing and i cant believe this is happening.
tell me, please tell me again, i long to feel your touch.
forever sounds so good when it comes off of your lips.
how can i lay here face down on the floor and not wanting to get up?
please take it, i want you to have it.
but please stop stabbing me in the back.
every wound is a open reminder of how i let you steal my heart.
of how i let you walk back through my door.
no more.. i promised myself, but how can you turn your back on the one you love?
today i turned my back..
daring myself to just take that one step.
i'm in tears as i turn around to see you not care.
you said you would be there, you were supposed to be with me until the end.
i need to take that step, i need to forget you.
but the memories are haunting me and your knocking at my door.
when i needed you, you walked away,
when you neded me, i stayed.
offered the warmth of my arms, the love form my heart.
but how many times must you continue to stitch me back up?
i cant live my life one stitch at a time.
but your lying and i am still bleeding on the floor.
God help me, i am so tired of wasting everything i have on him.
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[29 Oct 2004|04:38pm] |
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i am tired of loosing the battle.
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[29 Oct 2004|06:21am] |
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Dear _____,
I am so sorry. i am a stupid person. i also understand if you never want to talk to me again or look at me.. i feel dirty and gross.at those times, i was confused. confused about you, about him and i didnt know the right choice to make, so made the wrong choice. i am sorry.i care for you so much and i love you, but i messed up. i messed everythng up and everything that could have been. so i guess this is a punishment to me.. because i wanted you. i wanted to be with you one day. i am sorry is all i can say right now.i feel like such a asshole. if i could, i would go back and do it ALL over again.
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